It Is Not Good…

By Jan Miller

Most of us are probably familiar with the account of creation in the book of Genesis. God made the world and everything in it. And after everything God made, He said it was “good.” But one thing was “not good.” In Genesis 2:18, we read that it was not good “that man should be alone. I will make him a helper fit for him.” But who is it that is speaking these familiar words? It is the Lord God Himself! And when did He speak them? Before the Fall. So, Adam was not actually alone before Eve was made—the God of all creation was present with him! 

And yet…loneliness still plagues us. I think of Valentine’s Day, perhaps the greatest trigger for loneliness in our modern society, despite (or perhaps because of) being touted as the lovers’ holiday. Even in happy marriages and families, loneliness can be felt most deeply when surrounded by those you love and who love you—a minor miscommunication or misinterpretation can wound, leaving you bruised and bleeding. And for those not in a loving situation, how much more can loneliness cut? For those who have never married but long to, who have lost a spouse or close friend(s) to death or disease, who are feeling uprooted, who have to build community again from scratch, who have moved across the country (or world), the pain of loneliness can be excruciating.  Sometimes in the darkness of night, often in a group of people, perhaps even at church, nothing seems to touch the soul-ache desire to be seen, known, and loved.

So, what do we know that will help us battle back the darkness of loneliness with the light of truth?

First, take comfort in knowing that we were created for fellowship—not only with God Himself, who always welcomes us into His presence if we belong to Him, and who knows our need and longing for a “kindred spirit” (in the words of Anne of Green Gables). Remember that Adam’s aloneness before the Fall was “not good.” Because of the Fall and the brokenness it brought to our relationship with God and with one another, not everyone is given a loving spouse with whom to share life. So, consider lamenting this brokenness in your life: keep turning to God in prayer, bring your complaints to Him, ask boldly, and choose to trust Him (for more on this, please see Mark Vroegop’s book, Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy: Discovering the Grace of Lament).

Second, remember God’s goodness and lovingkindness in earlier times of your life. More broadly, recall Pastor Wredberg’s point in his sermon from Job 32-37 to “Stop and consider the wondrous works of God.” Remember also God’s promise: “I will never leave you nor forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5b). If you search “loneliness” in the Bible, the most frequent theme is the assurance that “the LORD your God is with you wherever you go” (Joshua 1:9b). In the story of Joshua, what is he exhorted to do? He is commanded to be strong and (very) courageous three times in just four verses, and he is told not to be frightened or dismayed. Loneliness can be deeply disheartening and discouraging but as believers, we are called to remember that God is with us wherever we go.

Third, remember that being lonely in itself is not necessarily the result of sin in your life (since God’s “not-goodness” pronouncement on Adam’s aloneness was pre-Fall) although what you do with your loneliness may certainly be sin. It may be, but it also may not be. Consider before the Lord and ask Him what you might do now. One of the positives of suffering is that it often makes us more sensitive to and compassionate towards others who are suffering, frequently in the same way we are. Start looking for those around you who are lonely — I guarantee there are many around you who are also suffering from loneliness — and reach out, potentially bridging a gap between the two of you, comforting you both. Look beyond your “comfortable” friends to those who are different than you, perhaps the newcomer, marginalized, and hurting. You may find yourself the answer to another lonely sufferer’s prayer!

Lastly, if you find yourself paralyzed by loneliness, unable to reach out to others in love, consider finding help for yourself. Look for trusted friends, your community group, and even professional counselors who are trained to help those struggling in this area. There is no shame in needing help—even Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane asked His friends to come and pray with and for Him in His hour of need. Surely, we can also ask for help and prayer from those who care for us and allow them to be a part of God’s answer to our needs. And if someone asks you for that help, please make yourself available to answer that prayer!